Some start from the start.

How about I start in the middle?

After all,

I'm only going

where

I am going. 

Following on from my first entry in the Series of Beings : Love, I really wanted to write about attraction, however, it was confidence that kept coming up on my mind.

I used to think that confidence is a feature of successful people. I thought that confidence comes with praise and awards. I thought that confidence comes with some hard work and magical believing in yourself. I thought that confidence is a feeling that is earned.

That is until I've seen THE MYSTERY OF PICASSO (LE MYSTÈRE PICASSO), Directed by HENRI-GEORGES CLOUZOT (France, 1956) and something just clicked...

If you watched the documentary or use the link on the title above to the clip, you will see Picasso - first sketching, then applying inks and paint over and over the canvas, changing and evolving the painting constantly. When I watched closely it resonated within me that his hand was following an impulse coordinated with everything that he has ever experienced, that sat in his body and mind. Him and his hand acted as if they knew that there is always the next mark, the next step, and they were constantly making them. That is the confidence to me; moving, going, reaching, appearing. Being.

“No man has the right to dictate what other men should perceive, create or produce, but all should be encouraged to reveal themselves, their perceptions and emotions, and to build confidence in the creative spirit.”

 Ansel Adams

“Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.”― Woody Allen

It was a subliminal experience to watch Picasso's paintings as they happen. They made me feel tiny in my presence, but mighty in my human potential. This particular clip caught my attention especially. What we learn at the end of it is that what would appear to be a short painting session actually lasted about 5 hours. Is that long? Is that quick? The span of those hours seems really not much when I relate it to how long it takes me to make a fulfilling print in my (teeny) darkroom, or even to take one great photograph, for that matter. That's not long, that's experienced. Amongst the many set ups to chose from when photographing: space, time of day or night, the subject, the reasons, the medium... nothing is more important than just being out there or in here and doing it. Having the confidence to show up, to being.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you are right.”

I used to think that confidence is a feature of successful people. I thought that confidence comes with praise and awards. I thought that confidence comes with some hard work and magical believing in yourself. I thought that confidence is something earned.

Confidence is what produces results. Confidence is what gets you doing stuff, confidence is what reaches for the toothbrush, and confidence is what makes your other hand reach for the toothpaste. It is the knowing that there is always the next move, it is the knowing that one motion connects to another and another and another. There is no end to being. There is no end to a painting. You only decide to stop - stop here and go elsewhere. You can do the same thing, you can choose another. 

Difference of confidence and will. In will I feel determination and goal. In confidence, I see freedom, openness and letting go of the outcome. Just showing up, just being. The will seem to carry some kind of need with it. perhaps a desire, it has an end point. Whereas confidence is just for itself. 

Following on from my first entry in the Series of Beings : Love, I really wanted to write about attraction, however, it was confidence that kept coming up on my mind. Perhaps it's a significant follow up from my Out Beyond : Flow series, where I deconstructed the concept that is enabled by the confidence. In that project I distilled the characte

And so my brain has figured what confidence to me is - simply knowing that there is the next step. It's knowing that everything is in constant motion (like water - see my Out Beyond series). It's knowing that nothing ever dies, that everything is always being transformed. 

I really wanted to write about attraction...but confidence keeps coming up on my mind.

So what do I consider to be confidence?

I have thought about it and it appears to me as an allowance to be. I would say this is - the being-. This is, no more, no less, life, just living life. However it shows up. This is me showing up, this is me acting on my impulses, this is me throwing the ball (because it is always my turn), this is me going out where I thought of going, this is me staying where I wanted to stay. 

Now, some might think that I'm confusing confidence with will. If we follow the definition of each of the concepts from the dictionaries we will notice how the end result is attached to the will. The will do achieve something, the will to see something happen. Confidence has not got this attached, it is an open book. It is a new page that we decide to start writing on, because we have the knowledge and or beliefe that something is to be written there. Will is like a barometer of the confidence. The more we use the latter, the higher the scale of will occurs. This is because we get to 

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