AFTERIMAGE

“No man has the right to dictate what other men should perceive, create or produce, but all should be encouraged to reveal themselves, their perceptions and emotions, and to build confidence in the creative spirit.”
 Ansel Adams

To be with life, but not of it. 

It's with an affectionate yet surprising awe that I'm noticing my own alignment when I travel. When I think of the years of my life, the times when travel is frequent I recognise how free, happy and satisfied I feel. It's not really about taking time off, it's almost like taking time with - myself and the world. When I travel I feel in the flow. When I travel I feel so free and wild. When I travel I feel easy and open. When I travel I feel beautiful. When I travel I feel excited. When I travel I feel one with all that surrounds me, though at the same time there is this knowing of my own bubble, of my own energy that I bring to wherever I go. When I travel I am trusting. When I travel I leave judgements behind. When I travel I recognise myself more. When I travel, moment by moment I remember who I am. 

It's been a few days since I'm back from visiting with Abraham Hicks. The gathering of those who decided to meet her took place in Amsterdam and I think that was the perfect place for it. The round building of Gashouder Westergasfabriek in Westerpark seemed to be the ideal and an idyllic place to envelop the intentions of the participants of the two day workshops. When Abraham said that most if not all of the questions would be answered I didn't really think much of it. The first day was a bit of finding myself within the experience. I held my hand up at all times, though, I also knew that my intentions were all over the place. My hand was calmly desperate saying 'me, me, pick me and help me'. It wasn't until the second day and after a sweaty night broken with tears of frustration, that I allowed a clear understanding within myself. As I walked to the venue early in the morning in hope of getting a seat closer to the stage, I realised something profound. A stream of thoughts came to me to say that the guidance that I've been asking for and looking for is not some voice that would tell me to do this or go there or whatever. The thought trail lead me to emotionally understand that the guidance that I've been seeking is my own mood.

There is no one that I'm waiting to tell me what to do. There are no signs that I need to see in order to move forward or feel good. 

My mood is my guidance. 

I often ask myself if there is any point to my analogue photography. Does it make the world a better place? Does it bring anyone joy? Does it add to the expansion of the universe? Does it 

To be with life, but not of it. 

Life and darkroom glisten as relative concepts. First, we really don't know what's going to come up. We can imagine and plan, but really - we just don't know how the next moment is going to happen. What we see around us is a creation. Some call it an illusion, some a projection, but nevertheless the multisensory impulses that we experience every single second, day and night and with every image are a continuous unfolding. 

 An afterimage is an optical illusion that benefits from contrasty images. When we look at a bright or high contrast scene for a few seconds and close our eyes, we will see that image appear as if over our eyelids. It will be the same image but reversed. The darks become lights and the highlight areas are in shadows. This is such a darkroom related process...

An afterimage is like an after taste. It is not the same thing, it has evolved into something quite distinct. Sometimes the aftertaste reveals more components of the flavour. Likewise, an afterimage can be cropped or extended, it can focus on a particular area, colour or shape of an image that we observed. 

We can safely say that everything that we come in contact with can also be found in our mind. Which one comes first?Well, it's a constant flow of energy. It's like a magnetic field that attracts all the other fields that are of similar polarity. 

There are a few things that come to my mind when I decide to change my ways, when I decide to be the best version of me. 

One is the past. This is the first thing that comes to my mind. Something that I've picked up as a bunch of experiences that ought to define me. We have history in schools, that never ever interested me. There is something important in remembering when we came from, what makes our culture and to help us feel grateful of the current privileges. 

However, the ways I learned to look at my own past is through a lense of successes and so called failures. 

In the past few years I have learned to notice, though, that the past is only something that has brought me to where I am now. Sure, we I can beat myself for the past when I don't like where I am. This seems like a never ending game, though. It seems like I'm a child that can only understand the present and 

So much more important than looking for advice on today or tomorrow in the past is to look into the future. It was only within the last year that I've discovered that I can dream. I gradually recognized that I can imagine things and that I can think of things that I like, that I want. What's more, I've realised that I not only can I look at my wishes and my desires, I ought to see them as possibilities. This is exactly the opposite of how I used to use my mind to feel for what I wanted. 

This discovery made me feel both ridiculous for not knowing it before, and also so happy, that I can actually want things and I don't have to feel bad about it. Now I know, that it is one of the most crucial ways to adapt for a fulfilling life. How lucky, if you've known it all your life!

Not only, did this revelation allow me to see life more as an opportunity for the many many feelings I want to experience, but I also started seeing others and myself in a completely different light. 

I realised that I shouldn't feel worse than others for not having this or that skill, for not doing this or that that they are doing, but that I can and should feel inspired by those who